In a recent survey parents were asked what they find the most frustrating about their children. I in an overwhelming response they stated, it was the fact that they have to tell their children to do the simplest tasks over and over again before they are done, a battle they face every day.

What if I told you there are five steps you can take to ensure that your child’s does what you ask the first time you ask… Yes, you heard me right, the first time you ask. Follow these steps and you will save money on your headache medicine and achieve harmony between you and your children.

Before we go into the steps that need to be taken is important to understand why this is occurring. The answer may surprise you. It may be a power struggle between you and your child. The longer your child can refuse to perform a task you have asked the more powerful they feel. The most effective way to end this power struggle is to refuse to engage in it. Giving your child clear and direct expectations and consequences is a great way to resolve this issue.

To end the struggle of having to ask over and over again, it may require the task of training your child. Let me explain, if your child is used to you repeating a request again and again, he or she knows that they don’t have to really do it until the fifth and final request is made. You need to change the dynamic. This will not be easy, but it is something that you and your child will appreciate over time.

Have a short, direct conversation with your child about the problem.

Be sure you know what the consequence will be.

Give a time frame to allow for transition.  Example: “The trash needs to be taken out before 4 o’clock. That means you have 20 minutes to get it done.” This is a really important piece of the puzzle. You’re connecting your consequences to the behavior you want to improve, and you are clearly letting your child know what they earn when they complete the task.

In the beginning, give a reminder – once. This is important because you are teaching your child a new behavior, this won’t happen automatically.

Be prepared for failure. They will continue to test you. Stay strong, stick to the plan and you and your child will succeed.

©EthLeen

The post How to Achieve Family Harmony Between you and Your Children appeared first on Alaafia African Family Resource Center.

Regardless of the religion you practice it is important to introduce family prayer as a regular component of your family structure. It is easy to reinforce every day. By doing this it helps emphasize the lessons you learned during your Sunday services and it also helps bring your family closer together in a spiritual and loving way.

Practicing prayer at home helps your children understand that prayer is simply a conversation with God. Here are a few ideas that can help you get the practice of prayer started in your home.

1) Newspaper Prayer. Have each family member take a portion of the newspaper and circle items that he or she feels need to be prayed for. Then ask family members to pray for the things they circled in the paper.

2) Sentence Prayer. You can help your children pray aloud by giving them a sentence to complete, such as:

“Lord, I thank you for …”

“Lord, forgive me for …”

“Lord, help my friend …”

“Lord, help me be more …”

“Lord, help me to let go of …”

“Lord, give me the courage to …”

Lord, one of the fears I need help with is …”

3) Highs and Lows. Ask your children what their “highs” were from the day, and then ask them about their “lows”. Share your highs and lows as well, and then pray for them together.

4) Prayer Journal. Share your prayer requests with the other members of your family and then record them in a prayer journal. One person can pray for all the requests you’ve listed for the day. The next time you pray together, look over the requests you listed previously and update any changes and answers.

5) A.C.T.S. Prayer. This is a well-known form of prayer that is easy to remember:

A stands for “adoration.” Begin the prayer by simply adoring God for who He is.

C stands for “confession.” Spend some time confessing your sins.

T stands for “thanksgiving.” Take time to thank God for the blessings that He has given to you and your family.

S stands for “supplication.” Lift up specific areas of your life in which you need God to supply

©EthLeen

The post Why is Prayer an Important Family Component appeared first on Alaafia African Family Resource Center.

Enjoy Each Other – The essence of a happy family is that they truly uplift each other and that all comes down to how they treat each other, says Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, a New York-based family and relationship counselor and host of The Learning Channel’s Shalom in the Home. “There is a joy that characterizes their interaction.”

Swap Stories – Shmuley Boteach states, “When you come home, your kids have to come first.” You must drop everything you are doing and always come home with something to share with your kids, whether a story or even the smallest vignette. This way you give your kids something to look forward to. The great bane of family life is boredom and that is what leads to dysfunction, affairs, and kids wanting to be with their friends over family.”

Put the Marriage First – This sets a real example of love, according to Boteach.

Break Bread Together – It is a simple fact that families that eat together, stay together.

Play Together – Boteach suggests having one or two activities that the family does each night together. For younger children it could be as simple as reading a book together.

Put Family Before Friends – “Give rules, but understand that kids need fun, too. When kids get bored and listless, they start looking for excitement out of the home and that is when friends become more important. Friendship is important, but subordinate to family,” according to Shmuley Boteach.

Limit Children’s Afterschool Activities – Moderate the number of afterschool activities your children participate in. According to Shmuley Boteach, creating family-based afterschool activities are best, such as roller-skating or bike riding as a family.

Build and Honor Rituals – “Rituals can be religious, national or even family-specific,” says Boteach. Rituals are things that are repeated over time, which brings a family together. In order to work, they must be flexible.

Keep Your Voices Down – Be stern but kind with the children. Children thrive on stability.

Never Fight in Front of the Kids

Don’t Work Too Much – “If you are away all the time and don’t prioritize your kids, your kids will internalize feelings of insecurity,” says Boteach.

Encourage Sibling Harmony

Have Private Jokes – This creates a special bond

Be Flexible – Try to accept the changes families encounter.

Communicate – Happy families communicate often.

©EthLeen

The post Key Ingredients to a Happy Family Life appeared first on Alaafia African Family Resource Center.

If you and your family find yourself in this situation there is a way to survive. Here are some poverty survival tips.

According to Joel John Roberts, a homeless services and housing executive, the first thing you need to consider is housing. His advice is finding one house and sharing it with family. This needs to be done until you are able to save enough money to afford your own home or a place to stay.

The next thing is food. Shopping in the supermarket is now considered a luxury. You must prepare yourself to stand in long lines at your local food bank for foods such as big blocks of cheddar cheese, dented vegetable and meat cans and expired bread from grocery stores.

When it comes to clothing, shopping in the malls is a thing of the past, at least for now. You will purchase your clothing at thrift stores such as Goodwill. Goodwill monitors the clothing that comes in and provides you with their best secondhand clothing. You will appreciate this on cold days and nights.

Going to eat is possible, but you must do it in a more humble way. This does not include a trip to McDonald’s. The choices you have in survival mode are a soup kitchen or your local faith group. This is not as bad as it sounds. This food is made with loving hands and can include things like fresh turkey, mashed potatoes and a vegetable. This will keep your stomach full and help you stay on your survival budget.

Next, you must sell your car. There is no room in your budget for gas, insurance or maintenance on your car. The public bus is much more affordable and you can think of it as having your own chauffeur for wherever you need to go.

All kids feel like they will just die if they do not have access to the Internet. They can use the Internet at your local library for free.

Being broke does not mean you can’t have fun. You can play in the park or take a stroll on the beach. It’s free.

As long as your family stays strong in faith and your love for each other you will survive this turbulent time.

©EthLeen

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